He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
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