She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
My breasts were aching with rage.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
