Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
So vagazzling was a success
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
