I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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