I wish my penis had an off switch
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
And then my night got REAL pukey
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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