I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
