there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
