I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Pooping to opera.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
