Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
