Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
