I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
