hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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