There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
