You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
