HIV tests are more positive than that guy
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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