I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
