You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Randomize
