Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
