Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Randomize
