what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Randomize
