What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
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