Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
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