Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
