woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
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