I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize