In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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