I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize