My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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