My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
