What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
