She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
