I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I need help removing her.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
