She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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