Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Randomize
