Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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