I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
