Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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