Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
Randomize