It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
