woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize