party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
my vag is so smooth its legendary
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
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