Your face is a jimmy john
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
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he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
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I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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