I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
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