This house was built for laser tag.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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