I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
