My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
soo... how was my night?
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
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