I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
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