So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
