I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
