Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
