please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
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You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
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Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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