no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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