Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
