He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
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