i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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