like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
