this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Even my vagina gasped.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
