All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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