My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
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