Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
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I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
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Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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