no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
So squirting runs in the family.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
