I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Randomize
