I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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