too bad you live with your parents still
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
