I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
i out mim tonsoeep
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